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Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.

Chuck Norris has never looked a baby in the eyes cause it might him cry but if he does it also makes him want to punch a baby.

Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.

Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.

Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

Chuck Norris invented the apple.

Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.

Chuck norris invented the corndog.

Chuck Norris invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn.

Chuck Norris invented the question mark.

Chuck Norris invented water.

Chuck Norris is '' The best a man can get ''

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.

Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis.

Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.

Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.

Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.

Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.

Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.

Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.

Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb

Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.

Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.

Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.

Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.

Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of Urban Legends, he is an Urban Legend.

Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.

Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.

Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever.

Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

Chuck Norris let the dogs out.

Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.

Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.

Chuck Norris likes long walks on the beach, Barry White music, Harlequin romance novels, songbirds, rainbows, and quiet time with his lady…just before he roundhouse kicks her in the face.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris make onions CRY!!!

Chuck Norris needs a monkeywrench and a blowtorch to masturbate.

Chuck Norris neither melts in your mouth nor in your hand. He shreds your trachea before ravaging your soul with a combination of chocolate, whickey, roundhouse kicks and death. Oh, and pain. Lots of pain.

Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.

Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.

Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents.

Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter.

Chuck Norris once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression "Shitting bricks" wasn't just a figure of speech.

Chuck Norris once finished "The Song that Never Ends".

Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Chuck Norris ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.

Chuck Norris once had sex with a cigarette machine in the Osaka airport.

Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

Chuck Norris once killed a bird by throwing it off a cliff.

Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.

Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.

Chuck Norris once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.

Chuck Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54.

Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated. Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated.

Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won.

Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.

Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.

Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.